This has been a very strange week. I have been pulled in many different directions and I find myself at odds with my own thoughts. I feel myself being pulled back into what is familiar simply because it is familiar. But once I start going down that path again I end up not liking the way I feel which brings me right back to why I changed directions before.
Basically what had happened this week was an opportunity to get back into part of the photo industry. There is a part of me which really wishes to push this part of my life because there are so many fun moments that happen when you work in this field. But there is also the downside. For myself the downside is far worse than the upside.
Like I have said before, I have met some amazing people working in the entertainment industry, but I have also met some of the worst people. This is my dilemma. Finding a way to sift through the bad to find the good. This is why I just cannot bring myself to go back to the industry.
The other day I had an offer for work, it seemed very legitimate and it seemed like someone had seen some work I did for a magazine about 3 years ago. They loved the model, loved the editorial and asked if I could possibly do some work for their company with the same model. I said I could reach out to her and see what the rate would be etc. It turns out they wanted the type of images I do not shoot and she does not pose for. This is why I feel I must close down my business permanently. I used to get these offers at least once a week, or more! I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.
One thing I have noticed, especially since starting this site, is the positive has been rising to the top. I have met so many awesome people, and so far there has been very little negative. Once more proving to myself that I must remain positive and seek out the positive vibes in others.
It was about two days after this “offer” when I met two women who reminded me of why I love photography and art. They are a young lesbian couple who have also seen my work but they love the softer side, they talked about a connection and a romance to the images. This also led to me talking to them about what I had just gone through and how it bothered me. Just so everyone knows, I am a feminist, and I do believe men need to announce when they are feminists because it is a statement that needs to be made loud and clear.
I had a great conversation with them about photography, art, nudity, sexuality, life and love and so much more! It seems I am finding people who believe very similarly to myself. They see the difference in sex and nudity and the immoral thing about the offer of work which was made to me was that it was a manipulation of my talents. This person wanted me to get someone to do something they didn’t want to do and tried to get me to do something I don’t want to do. The content isn’t the issue, it is the way they went about it.
When it comes to photography I will never stop taking photos. But I think I have found a new path in my life. I love art, I love music, I love photography and I love being around positive people. This is why I started this little church of positive vibes. It is a place to find support, quite often for myself as much as it is for others.
I’m not perfect, I still have a lot to learn and a lot to let go of. The letting go is the hardest part, because when you let go you are always unsure of where you are going to land. This is when I must have faith in my own beliefs, let go and where I land is where I am supposed to be. At least for that moment or until I let go again.
Thanks for reading, I’m not sure if this made sense to anyone, it was more of a post for myself today. Sometimes you just need to release the negative energy that builds up inside of you. I am almost grateful for this offer of work I didn’t want to do. It really shows me who I am and who I want to be. It allowed me to make the right decision and to avoid the temptation of being lured back into an industry that would most likely chew me up and spit me out. There are times when you need these little reminders to help you re-center yourself and confirm that the goals you are working so hard to achieve are worth the extra effort. This makes me just want to work harder and to always stay positive!