In The End

I don’t know what to say.  I’ve been away for a while, just regrouping and assessing everything in my life.  But there is so much going on, not just in my life but in the world and I’m finding myself struggling to find my place.  I’m sure many others feel this way, well, you’re not alone!

I have a lot of female friends, and all of these allegations coming out lately have me really thinking about things.  I get together with my fiends, take photos, they are cool with me and I’m cool with them.  It really is that simple.  There are no weird vibes, no creepy vibes etc… we are just good with each other and treat one another with respect.  But that doesn’t seem to be what is going on these days.

People are upset all of the time.  TV shows trigger people’s emotions and cause a reaction.  Our political system is a system of us vs. them.  Victims are victimized over and over again and I don’t know where it ends?

There is only one thing I can control, it is how I act and react to situations in life.  I have to tell myself that no matter how someone else acts I have to act the way I wish to be.  It kind of goes back to Gandhi “become the change you wish to see in the world.” type of mentality.

To gain respect one must first give it.  I remind myself of this every day.  It doesn’t always work that way and I still have my moments but I have to keep reminding myself of this.  And when it does work, it makes me want to do it more.  I still talk trash to other drivers, but then I find myself backing off and laughing at myself for what I said.  I’m an idiot a lot of the time, and that is perfectly okay, this also means I am human and alive!

I don’t know what to do next or even what to say next.  I am just happy to be here, to have good friends and to be able to enjoy life to the fullest.  I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow, I just know that I want to be able to say I enjoyed every minute possible and I helped those I could.  I want to stay positive and to help spread positive vibes as much as humanly possible at all times.  It is a lot of work, but in the end it is all worth it!

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Breaking Point

I hit a personal breaking point the other day.  For a very long time now I have been helping others.  Everything from working for free to taking care of their pets to all sorts of different things I would do for people in my life.  Well the other day, when I least expected it, well it hit me.  

As much as I enjoy helping others, I have to also be responsible and not allow them to take advantage of me.  If you need help I’m here but don’t assume I’m willing to continue to help if you no longer need it and just want it.

This is a common trait in certain people.  I had some friends a few years ago do this to me.  Long story short I helped them build their business, they agreed to pay me an acceptable wage for my time and experience, well when it came time to work, they suddenly didn’t budget correctly and asked me if I could possibly work for less.  

If I had said no, I would have been out of income for 6 weeks.  If I said yes I was making substantially less than I had counted on, but it would be an income.  So I helped them and took a smaller wage.  While I spent 6 weeks workin for them, in this time they spent $3000 on a birthday present for their significant other, took a weeks vacation in Hawaii and went out to fancy dinners almost every night with friends.  

In the end, for whatever reason, they found ways to make it sound like I was to blame for all of this.  I lost two friends, but were they really friends?  No, I guess they weren’t. 

This was not a breaking point, but the other day, it was.  This is the downside of helping others.  I don’t want to get into it just yet as it is still too new, I need to step back and have a better perspective before venting it all out to the world.  But I have stopped it dead in its tracks.  It takes a lot to get me mad, but I’ll just say I was there and I put an abrupt end to the bad situation.

Now in the true nature of positive vibes, I don’t look at this as a bad thing.  I learned where my breaking point is and how I let myself get there.  Life is a learning experience and the knowledge I gained from all of this will help me from now on.  This may have been my breaking point but it is also the start of a new way of thinking and a new way of how I will help others in the future. 

I have learned more about balance and that I have to also take care of myself and my own needs before taking care of everyone else’s needs.  It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself. It is a necessity! 

I’ve learned that I need to make some immediate changes in my own life.  These are not all easy decisions to make,  but this is my life, it may be the only one I get, so if I don’t do it right, well then the only one to blame is me.  

I’ve turned my profession into a hobby, I’ve taken up a couple of new career paths to see where they may lead.  All of these decisions came from smaller breaking points in my life.  Breaking points do break you, they awaken your senses.  Realization is a wonderful thing and this is what leads to better things.  


Have a happy Sunday 🙂 

No Plans

I’ve been thinking about my life lately.  Where I’m at, where I’ve been, where I may or may not be going.  It’s a very interesting topic in my head at the moment.

I have such different interests in things that I am not sure which I should pursue which I should hold off on or if I should just follow my heart and live day to day?  I kind of like the idea of living on a whim.  No solid plans, just following intuition and letting things happen organically.

There is part of me which wants stability and still has this desire to build a huge business, but then I think to myself, this is all BS.  So many things we do just don’t matter.  Selling things that don’t need to be sold, building things that don’t need to be built, creating products which really have no legitimate use is not something I wish to really be a part of.  This is were I have my western civilization training in me and really need to break it and rid this from my way of thinking.  But it is harder than it seems!

There is a real desire instilled in us to want more and more, no matter what it is.  I want more, but what I want more of is time to experience life.  Fewer things, more experiences.  This is my new goal.  Of course I still will create art, which is something I am still trying to figure out because I don’t want it to fall into the category of creating stuff that doesn’t really need to exist.

This is why I like digital photography.  As much as I love film, and as much nostalgia it brings to me, it isn’t the best medium for the planet.  I am not going to go on a rant, but I have decided that I probably will rarely shoot film anymore.  I love my digital camera and my digital dark room.  I can’t complain!  So if I want to feel nostalgic I’ll just use my hand tools for my carpentry work.  This reminds me of how I grew up learning how to do things the truly manual way.

I’m still figuring it all out. I still have lots to learn, lots to talk about and lots to figure out.  But I kind of feel like we are all in the same boat.  Life isn’t easy, it isn’t meant to be.  But it is meant to be lived.  And this is what I intend to do from now on.  Live life, experience life, appreciate all life and do my best to be my best every single day.  I will fail at times, I will succeed in ways I know I won’t expect to.  This is all part of the experience.  I look forward to tomorrow with an open mind and an open heart.

Today’s photo pretty much sums up my past week.  Music, friends, hanging out, good times and making memories.  Gaining more experiences for the vault in my brain.  🙂

Faded

Walk this world with me.  This is the first sentence which comes to my mind at this moment.  This is my mantra of the moment.  The key word in this sentence is “with”.  This means together, side by side as equals.

I have very little desire for things, right now my desires fall within gaining new experiences and into gaining new perspectives on life.  I had a great conversation with a young woman this morning, we were talking about dating life and how she has a very hard time finding a man to date who is open to new ideas.

I know there are men out there who are open, but I believe she was also talking about gender roles.  Times are changing and I really admire these young women of today.  They are strong, intelligent and not afraid to go after what they want.

Me?  I’m fading away a little bit.  Less is more, more is a hassle and I really want a hassle free life.  I have done a really good job of getting rid of excess.  Right now all of my possessions can fit neatly into one room in my home.  I am still figuring out how to rid myself of some of the material objects I own, but this will all come in time.

I also met with a friend over coffee and found a potential new place to live.  Not sure how it will all work out, but today has been an interesting day.  My artwork is going strong, my friends are people I enjoy being around and I am meeting many new people who share my same desires in life.  I have learned over the years that when you focus on the positive, focus on the important things, all the bad just simply seems to fade away.

Faded is a good way to describe this mood.

New

I constantly find myself in situations where I have to, or at least feel like I have to have an answer.  Or answer to someone about something which quite honestly doesn’t really matter.

In the overall perspective of what is my life these little decisions just don’t have relevance to anything.  I am supposed to deliver art pieces to a potential seller but at my own expense with no guarantee of sale. I am working to pay bills I don’t care about. They are my bills and I have created them so I have to pay them, but I let this habit perpetuate into a routine and then these bills become larger so I have to work more and the cycle continues. 


What I have been doing lately is finding ways to eliminate these bills which end up taking up so much of my time and energy.  And I want my time and energy to be spent more wisely so therefore I have to be the one to make the changes which need to be made.

I have thought about many different options, everything from selling all of my possessions and moving into a van to starting a business I know will make a lot f money!  But what do I want?  What do I want for my life?

This is where I begin to figure it all out.  I want to meet new people, hang out with people who have a story to share.  I enjoy being around people with positive energy.  The negativity of others can really bring you down. Even if you try to not let it get to you, just being around it makes life more difficult than it needs to be.

I’m probably just rambling on right now.  But today is a new day and what I do with it is totally up to me.  How I view today’s problems is within my own control.

Every moment is a new chance to change directions.  Nothing is permanent so don’t let yourself believe that it is. 

Today is another new beginning and I chose to be happy.  I choose to enjoy the little things today.  I’m not sure where this will take me but I’m always up for a new adventure. 

I don’t know

I took a much needed break from blogging and the internet.  Every now and then I need to escape and see the world from a different point of view.  Sometimes I come up with far fetched ideas, but often with a lot of truth to them.

I had a very interesting conversation the other day with someone I have know for several months.  He was saying how religion is dead and politics are dead.  They are being replaced with spirituality and science.  I honestly couldn’t agree more.

So many people are living by rules set in the dark ages.  Living off of a book re-written to fit a king’s requirements and from text’s which were translated hundreds of years before by people who may or may not have understood the original text to begin with!

Look at civilization in the past 100 years.  Technology has surpassed all of our expectations.  But yet we cling to what we were taught because we are afraid of the unknown.  I grew up in a home where the was no religion.  It was an open discussion and my parents let me explore whichever belief system I felt like exploring.  This is probably why I don’t have a fear of the unknown.  I am quite content knowing I do not know.

With the break I have just returned from I have learned one major thing.  We are a nation of consumers.  We have no conscience of the wake we leave behind.  We make babies, we buy puppies, we buy kittens, we breed horses, we shop for our kill at the grocery store.  We want things to make life easier, but this is the easiest life on this planet has ever been!  We have air conditioning, we have heat.  We have electric cars and so much more.  But instead, lets stick to what we have always done.

What we have always done is a philosophy of failure.  It does not allow you to move forward and it halts progress.  Do something new every day.  I don’t know how to change big business and it’s obsession with wealth, but I do know that if we can start changing our own routines every single day we can break away from our addiction to consumption.

Get away from the TV.  It is called an “idiot box” for a reason!  Here is why I don’t watch TV anymore.  I would rather be doing something rather than watching other people do something.  I don’t know how much time I have on this planet and I don’t know what happens next, so I do things.  I am not going to wait around and say that when I die everything will be perfect in the next life.  Everything can be perfect now.  But it takes work, it takes effort and it takes initiative!

I don’t know where my next journey will take me, I don’t know what is next.  I have opportunities for art, this church and more.  But I am trying not to make any decisions based on what I want, I’m trying to make all decisions based on what is right for the long term.  What leads me down a new path, new experiences and a better life overall for myself and those around me.

I’m cool with not knowing.  It is a new discovery for me every day.  Change your perspective.  View the world from different angles and see how altering one habit a day can completely change your life for the better.

Conversations

Today has been another one of those days where I feel very validated for my life decisions.  The other day I had a great conversation with 3 young women about a music and photo project I wish to start working on, they are down for it and just want to hang out and see where these projects go along with talking life and spirituality.  It went from a 2 minute conversation to over 4 hours of hanging out, drinking coffee and telling dirty jokes!

Today I had two separate yet intermingling conversations. It started out with an artist, a painter specifically whom I have known for several months now.  We were discussing art and life and how we do what we do out of passion and not for the money.  In the middle of this conversation a yoga instructor I had met recently popped in and we all started talking.  This is when I asked if she would be interested in some photos of yoga inspiration and poses in a gorgeous setting.  She was down and we will be setting it up soon!

Sarah

This is just more of me taking the chance and putting the positive vibes out there.  I have no idea where all of this will take me but you have to take a chance!  This is what life is all about to me, meeting new friends, sharing positive moments and living life in a way that makes you happy.

It is funny how conversations with random people can totally inspire you and keep you moving forward.  This is my new goal and I don’t want to call it my New Year’s Resolution, but since it falls so close to the New Year, it may just have to be that.  I just want to keep pushing forward, stay positive and connect with as many people as possible.  To be honest I have never really been someone to have a ton of friends around me at one time, but since I’ve opened myself up to this, well this is exactly what has been happening!

I have been very fortunate this year in meeting new friends, finding like-minded people and finding those who are cool with being a part of my creative process.  I’ve also been lucky to find people to just hang out with and talk philosophy and life with.

Sometimes you have to start a conversation with a stranger to make a friend.  So far it has been working out for me, you should try it some time.  You never know who you’re going to meet.